


Even If It Hurts

by DistractedDream



Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Disabled Character, Completed wip, Established Relationship, Gladnis, M/M, Not Beta Read, Post-Altissia (Final Fantasy XV), Post-Altissia (Final Fantasy XV) Spoilers, Wordcount: 1.000-3.000
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-28
Updated: 2020-04-28
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:14:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,374
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23900650
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DistractedDream/pseuds/DistractedDream
Summary: The same argument, over and over. Ignis can't continue on with them - he won't be left behind. Gladio and Ignis reach a breaking point after Altissia.
Relationships: Gladiolus Amicitia/Ignis Scientia
Comments: 15
Kudos: 52





	Even If It Hurts

**Author's Note:**

> I ran a poll on Twitter and this was the clear winner for what to post! It's a little angsty thing that I've had two versions of drafted since 2019. My writing goal for 2020 is to finish two works-in-progress (WIPs) that were started before January 1. This is the first! And yes, I plan to try to finish one of my longer fics for the other.
> 
> This is not beta read so all errors are my own. Title is from "Even If It Hurts" by Sam Tinnesz which is a perfect mood for this piece.
> 
> Comments and kudos are much appreciated and keep me writing! I can be found on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/distractedream) at Distractedream and [Tumblr](https://distracteddream.tumblr.com/), [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/distracteddream/), and [Spotify](https://open.spotify.com/user/distracteddream?si=_Yuds57lRve_hXzKrEF05Q) at DistractedDream. Enjoy!

“You know you can’t go on with us.”

A less disciplined man might have recoiled from the censure in Gladio’s voice. Not Ignis though. He had expected it. They’d already had this conversation several times, but Gladio still insisted they needed to leave Ignis behind. Which Ignis, of course, would hear none of. He pushed his darkened glasses up the bridge of his nose, more out of habit than anything else. “And you know I’m not going to be left behind.”

“Be reasonable!” Ignis heard the bed shift as Gladio stood, the heavy footfalls of his pacing echoing in the quiet hotel room. “I can’t believe I even have to say that to you. We’ve still got the Empire breathing down our necks. Now this Ardyn asshole. We don’t have time to...” He sighed and Ignis could almost visualize Gladio dragging his fingers through his hair in frustration. “You’ve done enough, Iggy.”

“Obviously I haven’t.” Ignis leaned back in the chair, crossing his arms over his chest. Of the pair of them, Gladio might have been the passionate one and he the logical one, but both were completely equally hard-headed. “If it was you, if you were injured, would you let us leave you behind?”

“That’s different.”

“A Shield who can’t fight would be more beneficial than an Advisor who can’t see?” Ignis pushed himself to his feet, a rare anger burning through his blood. “Gladio, would you really ask me to be forsworn?! To break my oath to the King? To  _ Noct _ ? Of everyone, I thought you'd understand best why I could never do that. I... I did this... I am  _ blind _ because I lived my oath. Would you have not done the same?!"” He regretted the sharp words as soon as they left his tongue. Gladio’s pacing stopped and Ignis hated that he couldn’t tell where he was or if he was looking at him. The longer the silence stretched, the deeper into his stomach his heart sank.

They’d had that argument too. Or Gladio and Prompto had had it in hushed tones in the hallway, unaware that Ignis was awake and could hear them until Ignis confronted Gladio about it later. Gladio’s guilt, his shame, over not having been with Noct on the Altar ate away at Gladio’s spirit and Ignis feared it would for some time yet. Though if he had been there, if he had fulfilled his own oath… Ignis swallowed hard, sinking weakly onto the edge of the chair. If their positions had been reversed, Ignis might have retained his sight – to see Gladio lying dead on the Tidemother’s Altar. “Gladio, I-”

“It’s too dangerous,” Gladio’s steady voice interrupted Ignis’ apology.

Ignis’ head dropped forward, the fight gone out of him as quickly as it’d come. “Our lives are dangerous.”

“But the rest of us aren’t...” Gladio hesitated.

Ignis waited until it was clear Gladio wasn’t going to finish that thought. “Disabled? Gladio, I’m not an invalid. I won’t be a burden. I can still take care of myself.” Ignis lifted his head, aiming his gaze to where he thought Gladio might be. He must have been standing perfectly still, not even a rustle of clothing to give a hint to his location in the room. Ignis frowned, brows creased behind the bridge of his glasses, heart racing as Gladio was effectively invisible to him at the moment. “...Gladio?”

When Gladio finally spoke, finally shifted enough for Ignis to realize he’d been “looking” in the wrong direction, his words were heavy and regretful. “I’m going to get some air.”

The click of the door shutting behind Gladio sounded abnormally loud to Ignis, but that might have been the echoing ache he felt in his heart. He sat in the chair at a loss for what to do with himself now. Prompto was still with Noct and, though he knew Prompto would help if he asked, Ignis was loathe to draw him away and leave Noct alone.

“Damn it,” Ignis cursed, the words lacking any actual vitriol behind them. In a way, he couldn’t blame Gladio. Not for any of it. His insistence that Ignis stay behind made sense. There was logic to it and Ignis himself had considered their options over and over. Thinking seemed to be the only thing he could still do sometimes.

He simply couldn’t stay behind. If Noct wanted to continue on this journey, Ignis had to remain at his side. Staying in Altissia or Hammerhead or any other quiet town Gladio deemed safe enough would drive him mad. He had to go with them. And he would help Gladio to understand that.

If Gladio ever came back.

Ignis remained in the chair, considering how they would need to proceed, how he would have to adjust to his injury, certain Gladio would come back at any moment and they could discuss it together. Over and over, he analyzed their options, catalogued what skills he would need to relearn and in what priority, until even he was sick of thinking, getting increasingly frustrated he couldn’t storm out for “air” too. With slow steps, Ignis made it to the bathroom, deciding a hot shower would relax him. He hissed at the scalding water hitting the damaged skin of his left hand. By the time he finally got the water temperature as he wanted, he was thankful that the spray washed away his frustrated tears.

Drying himself off as best he was able, Ignis wrapped the towel around his waist to shuffle back into the bedroom. He called softly for Gladio, heart aching when there was no answer. He felt so drained from their argument, from struggling to do a simple thing like shower, from losing his damned sight, that he simply dropped the damp towel to the floor as he slipped beneath the sheets. Sleep took him almost immediately, haunted by dreams of his hand outstretched for Noct as purple fire burned at the edges of his vision, of Gladio’s amber eyes reflecting the firelight, of him reaching instead for Gladio’s prone body as his vision left him.

“Iggy?”

At first, the gentleness in Gladio’s voice seemed part of the dream still. It was no more than a ghost’s whisper in his sundered mind. But Gladio smoothed his damp hair away from his face and Ignis tipped his face into the caress, drawn from his slumber, and reached up to hold Gladio’s large hand against his cheek. “Gladio.” A hum of acknowledgement came from above him, warmth radiating against his side from Gladio lying next to him. Ignis pressed a kiss to the inside of his wrist. “You must have needed quite a lot of air.”

A chuckle rumbled in Gladio’s chest. “Take you long to think that one up?”

“You gave me just the right amount of time to do so.”

Gladio’s thumb stroked the corner of Ignis’ mouth as he smiled. “Sorry for leaving you like that. I went for a run to clear my head. Didn’t realize how long I was gone until it got dark.” A tender kiss brushed over Ignis’ temple. “I don’t  _ want _ to leave you behind. Fuck, the thought of going on without you at my side? Whatever damage we’ve all taken, it’ll never heal unless we’re all together. I know that. But it scares me, Ig. Seeing you hurt. It reminded me that we’re all vulnerable. Made it too real.”

“Oh, Gladio.” With tentative fingers, Ignis felt his way to Gladio’s face, softly tracing a finger down the long scar on his cheek, the one across his forehead, and then down his throat to the thick scar bisecting his chest, almost over his heart. “It’s been real to me for years.”

With his fingers spread over Gladio’s chest, Ignis could feel the hitch to his breathing as the words sank in, as Gladio comprehended a reality Ignis had made peace with many years before. Warm arms scooped Ignis into an embrace, apology, forgiveness, protection, all in one simple gesture, Ignis’ arm snaking over Gladio’s waist to return the same.

“Love you,” the words muffled into Ignis’ hair.

“As I love you,” the return murmured against Gladio’s shoulder.

This time, when Ignis fell asleep, he dreamt only of home.


End file.
